Since 2011, when I finished high school, I’ve moved 8 times. Four different cities, endless roommates, family and girlfriend (which later changed nickname to Wife).
Always renting, not really thinking about buying. Thinking, but so out of reach that you could say it was more of a wish than a thought. In 2023, some stars aligned and we bought an apartment.
In this series of posts I want to talk about different aspects of what I’ve experienced in this time. How it was to rent, what I’ve learned from my roommates, why we decided to buy and not continue renting, the mistakes we made when finally deciding to buy and tips for planning a new home.
Let’s start from the beginning, why did I move so many times? What lessons did I learn from my roommates? Let’s dive deep.
The Renting Era
In 2011 I started going to University, as it was in a different city and to gain some student atmosphere, I moved to the University’s dorms.
Newcomers get a shared room; the room is equipped with two beds, two desks and two wardrobes. You can understand why, after a year, I wanted to move.
The actual experience was a good one. I liked my roommate and we got along pretty good although we had different cleaning standards.
This year, for the first time in my life, I was sharing a room with someone and it opened my eyes.
I learned that each one was raised with different parents and do not care about the same stuff. That if I want it to be nitty, I should focus on my stuff and not expect the other to care as much as I do. It was a shock at the beginning but it was a lesson learnt for life.
Second year, after making some friends, we decided to move to a 9 bedroom dorm. Obviously it was a great idea (not). We were 9 friends in a 9 bedroom dorm. We each had a private room, which was an upgrade. All other stuff that came along this arrangement is arguably an upgrade.
This year taught me one of the most important lessons: Friends, and even great friends, aren’t necessarily good roommates. I learned that you can have great friends, even the most close to you, that are the worst roommates you’ll ever find. You won’t always be able to pinpoint why, but we just live differently. Now it’s up to you how you communicate this to those friends.
Third year, after understanding 8 roommates isn’t the optimal solution, I moved to a 4 bedroom-4 roommates dorm. I’ve learned how my friends live and was able to pick (and get picked) 2 friends with which I will be able to co-exist. The fourth roommate was someone who was picked for us and was OK overall. This year was kind of a test to see that I can imply what I’ve learned. And it worked. Friends would come over and leave all the time. The roommates were good and we co-existed perfectly together. Even so, I still had something that bothered me. As we all studied together in the same classes, school wasn’t over. We finished the classes and continued talking and studying in our apartment. I realize I need some separation between the two.
Fourth year, because of many factors, including changes in rent and my new realization, I decided to move to a “real” apartment in the city. After a few searches I was accepted (yes, accepted) into an apartment with two other women. They studied stuff similar to mine so that we had conversation topics, but not exactly like me so there was some separation. This year came with two important changes; female roommates and a real rent.
What do I mean with “real rent”? When you live in dorms, you pay the university for everything. The monthly salary includes water, electricity and even Internet. There’s nothing you need to do regarding the municipality. If something breaks you have a form to fill and someone will come and fix it. You can’t paint or screw anything to the walls. It’s very comfortable but very limiting.
This “real rent” is how people really live outside the University Bubble. I had to sign a contract, give 12 cheques and make my parents sign as well. The rent included rent, and that’s it. Water, electricity, municipality and internet are each paid individually.
If all other years prepared me to live by myself, psychologically and physically, this year prepared me the most bureaucratically.
Each of the roommates had a responsibility and was in charge of some commodities. It was a great way to be introduced into this world.
The other huge change was female roommates. But, as I have two older sisters, I had a clue on what it is to live with female “roommates”. It’s not quite the same, obviously, but there are some similarities. We became good friends in a short period, we cooked together, helped each other with studies and relationships and even made laundry together. It was really fun. We haven’t said a word to each other since then though.
After the fourth year I graduated and came back to live with my parents for a short period. This short period taught me that, no matter how great my parents are – and they are, I couldn’t come back to living with them. After a few months, I moved to an apartment near my job with two colleagues that later became my best friends.
I was full of knowledge on what I want and with whom. I wasn’t afraid of losing them as friends in the beginning as we weren’t so close then (luckily for me, that didn’t happen). I was the one that handled all bureaucracy and we had a great year and a half. The most important thing I learned this year was not to move to a building which has a construction site right near it. At 7 AM each day (not including weekends at least) we were greeted good morning by a constructor yelling to his friend or a crane operating. Not the best way to wake up.
5 apartments in 6 years and I was ready to live by myself. Fully alone in a small apartment, no roommates to think about, fully independent to my own choices. So I moved in with my girlfriend. This was the first time she moved out of her parents house and my experience over the years was very helpful for the both of us. In the first apartment we stayed for over 3 years. Then we moved to another apartment where we lived for 2 years. Lastly we moved to the apartment we bought.
Both of the apartments were small and cozy ones. In a great location regarding commodities, night-life and closeness to her parents.
This period taught me that a girlfriend that lives with you isn’t a roommate. Sounds obvious but there are some details that are important in this. You live together, not with each other. There’s an expectation to eat together by default. Groceries are bought together. And you don’t have your own room – it’s OUR room. All of this is great, it really is, but it does require a switch in your mind.
I guess it worked OK if we decided to get married and buy an apartment together.
Let’s summarize all this era which I’ll call – The Renting Era.
First apartment, with no knowledge at all, I learned that each one of us was raised differently and things I thought were obvious and the only right way, weren’t like that. Not everyone cares about cleaning and tidying as one does.
Second apartment I learned that great friends do not necessarily make great roommates. Don’t get me wrong, they can be, but not necessarily will be and it could be a bad influence to the friendship.
Third apartment I learned that if you live with people you are with all day long, it can get frustrating. Then I was still studying and it was a huge weight to talk about studies all day long.
Fourth apartment I learned everything I needed to know to live in a rented apartment “for real”. I was able to test what I’ve learned over the years and add to it all the bureaucracy that surrounded renting an apartment.
When going back to my parents I learned that it was more difficult than what I thought it would be. It was all kind of a “one way trip”.
Fifth apartment, the first time I left not because of a physical necessity but because of a more psychological necessity (if you may), I learned the hard way not to live near a construction site.
Sixth apartment, moved in with my girlfriend and I learned what is like living with another person that isn’t your roommate.
This is all written years after it happened. I wasn’t fully aware of all the lessons learned throughout the years and some were unconsciously learned that only today I see.
In the next post, I’ll give some tips I wish I knew before buying an apartment. See you then!
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